Chapter 119

"La"+"vi" (｢ラ｣+｢ビ｣,  "Ra+Bi")  is the one hundred and nineth chapter of the D.Gray-man Manga series written and illustrated by Katsura Hoshino.

Summary
Lost in his own mind, Lavi hears a voice saying his own name. In the physical world, Allen is surrounded by Road's threatening candles. Road orders him not to move unless he wants Lenalee and Chaozii Han to be turned into pincushions. She recalls him the pain his eye felt and advises him to wait until she has finished with Lavi. In the dream, Lavi keeps repeating to himself that what he faces are illusions. The illusion of Bookman says that the men he fights with are only ink on paper so he shouldn't worry about the ink as he is the writer. Lavi replies that even as an illusion Bookman is still as annoying. Bookman replies that this ie because he is only a piece of his memory and the reason he finds him so annoying is because he still thinks of them as ink. Bookman then asks if he remembers the Bookmen's duty.

The illusion of Lenalee in Lavi's arms opens her mouth and attempts to stab Lavi with a knife. He dodges as Lenalee asks why he turns them down, if they are not his friends and if he really considers them only as ink on paper. They all rush at him but Lavi punches them all without a second thought while repeating himself they were only illusions. He grabs the knife and Bookman states that the only way to survive is to get rid of them. Lavi proceeds to cut them all, he shuts his eyes in order not to be devolved. As he cuts them he realizes he can't shut his hears and escape their voices.

Lavi is transported to the church of the Black Order at his arrival. There Komui Lee welcomes them but Lavi's attention is directed on the hundred of coffins. He sees the few survivors mourning their deads after a defeat. Among them is a 14 yeard old Lenalee, crying. Lavi then recalls that he accepted to become a bookman to know the truth that noone knows, the secrets of history. After witnessing all those battlefields he had concluded the humans are idiots. He remembers how the science section and Lenalee warmly greeted him, making a suitable uniform for him. He thought that being an exorcist could be nice but that wouldn't happen.

The time has passed in the order and he started to have trouble to make his true feelings and his act apart. He tells Road to stop, once again and thinks about Bookman's words "don't flame up for this war". A poker card falls from his pocket and an illusion of Allen picks it saying that he didn"t tell Bookman about that. The other Lavi suddenly trashes Allen's face and Lavi is shocked. The other Lavi says he is a failure if he can"t watch that without feeling anything. Lavi is stabbed by the illusions of Kanda and Lenalee in the mind world. He hears the harsh constatation that he is "not a bookman anymore" as the ace of spade starts to melt.

Chapter Notes

 * Road references the time in The Rewinding City when she stabbed Allen's eye.
 * The Ace of spade is the card that Allen had got from Tyki. When Allen was left for dead in the bamboo forest, For only took his body and the other cards and she left the ace of space. Lenalee and Lavi arrived afterwards and Lavi kept the ace without telling anyone.
 * Lavi can fight with his eyes shut. This may have a link with his hidden eye.